CallMeStella

In my post last night, I wasn’t honest. It wasn’t intentional, but now that I ponder the reality, I realize that while I didn’t eat poorly while I was at my destination, it was the two day drive each way that was my undoing. I am generally not one to eat when I am bored, but apparently, car rides are a whole other animal for me. When I think back, I ate tons of nuts, chips, fast food (dogs make it difficult to sit down in a restaurant), but I made bad choices in those places when I could have made better ones.

Becoming self-aware sucks, sometimes. Hey, at least I know I will NEVER take a road trip like that again, therefor, no concerns about eating like that. Of course, that doesn’t really fix the underlying problem, does it? I have some work to do on myself.

I am so bummed. I was pretty much sick all last week. I had a horrible headache…actually still do and didn’t get in any exercise. I’ve had this thing since the 17th and don’t know how to get rid of it. No excuses, though. Weird thing is, I didn’t eat more than I usually do. I don’t know what happened. i was so sad when I stepped on that scale.

Start again, I guess.

Ok, I’m actually driving in a rented mini-van, but the subject line sounds so much more romantic….anyway, I am going to be offline for a couple of days. I mean, I can probably quickly post food logs and such, since we have access on our phones, but it won’t be the same as coming on here, seeing how everyone is progressing, and getting support.

I just have to stay strong for the traveling days, as we have no choice but to eat out. Honestly, we generally pick really healthy restaurants, but that’s here. I don’t know what is out in the wild blue yonder. Think there is a good sushi restaurant in Nebraska? Anyway, wish me luck.

Once we get to our destination, I am not too worried, as my husband’s family eat healthy food. Anyway, I’ll check in when I can.

Hasta la vista

I notice that if I post my food before I eat it, I am more apt to eat it. Does that make sense? I can think about what I should eat and don’t do it, but if I log the calories and see how many more I need for the day, I am more willing to eat it so that I can get my calorie count up.  For example, I have posted my breakfast…I haven’t eaten it yet, but I know I will because I have to get those calories in me.

I did ok yesterday. I ate 976 calories. I know I need to get up to 1200, at least, but I’m getting closer. Also, I walked. I didn’t do exercise walking, but I did walk. My knee did not appreciate it, but I know I need to do it. I have a crap load of stuff to do to prepare for my trip, but I will try to get some focused walking in today.

Anyone know what the weather is like in Chicago? Am I screwed because I don’t own a winter coat?

Ok, so…..I had my cottage cheese and then left to do the shopping stuff I had to do. I was fine until I needed to take my daughter to her boyfriend’s house. Ok, not fine since I didn’t eat until that point. What did I go and do? I got freaking Jack in the Box. What the hell is wrong with me? I don’t even like Jack in the Box! I ate half my meal and sucked down my soda. I don’t do fast food normally, but something obviously set me off tonight. Maybe it is the fact that everyone is gone and I only had to worry about myself. I don’t know. Can’t wait to figure how how many freaking calories that was.

so stupid.

I don’t know what my problem is. I have a ton of stuff to do today and probably need some extra energy, but every time I go to get some food, I can’t bring myself to eat it. I have had three cups of coffee, instead.

I hate that about myself. I get overwhelmed and feel out of control, so I don’t eat. Talk about stupid. I don’t know how to get over it. My brain says eat, but something stops me. I know it’s a control issue. I recognize it, thanks to my best friend pointing it out. She says I have an eating disorder. I wouldn’t go that far, but I do use not eating as a way to get some control.

I need to find a way to get rid of that thought pattern. HELP!

I realize I already posted in here today, but I’ve been going through a lot of profiles and I’m very impressed with before/after shots. I haven’t taken a before picture. In fact, i don’t remember the last time I took a full body shot, even before I gained weight. I believe if I can get the courage to do it, it will be a motivator for me. I want to have a visual to start with.

ETA: Not only have I not taken a full body shot, but I got my hair chopped recently and haven’t gotten the courage to let anyone see it. Obviously people who know me personally have seen it, but I haven’t posted any pictures anywhere.  I haven’t had my hair this short since the 6th grade. It was due to a major life change….I know, bad idea. I am so sorry now, but it’s just hair, right? It is sure to grow back….

I’m over being overweight and unhealthy. I have gone through a lot over the last five months and have put on 20 pounds. I injured my knee, so was unable to work out. I am not totally healed, but I can’t take it anymore, so I’m going to start. Even if it’s just walking through my hood, I have to do something. I also went on a few meds, which both have weight gain as a side effect, but no excuse.

I don’t like to eat much, so I live mostly on liquids…coffee, hot tea and my nightly vodka and tonic. Not good. I have got to start being healthy. I’m over it.

ALL DONE!