time to get real
Ok, so…I’ve been going through some personal struggles. It’s all internal and I have put everything aside to deal with my emotions. I’m not generally known as an emotional person (Ice Queen is more accurate). Having said that, I have been really struggling with not contributing to the finances of my family. I know I seem to go round and round about this, but it’s been so hard for me.
I worked for my husband for a few weeks and made some organizational changes, but the actual job was not for me. Though it is a completely different industry, I was processing and I don’t want to do that anymore. I’m trying to figure out what I want to do when I grow up. My husband keeps reminding me that we don’t need an income from me and tells me that I deserve a break. I am just not wired that way.
I’m also very frustrated with the lack of progress in my knee healing. It has been six months and I still have a bruise. I also cannot walk for more than 15 minutes without having pain. The pain has been especially bad the last week, and I am so frustrated I could scream. I took my daughter in for a doctor’s appointment and he offered to refill my pain medication, but I said no. I didn’t tell him I haven’t been taking them. I worry about my body, taking all that medication.
As I have been dealing with that, I have had many sleepless nights. I’m tired all the time, and don’t know if I’m down because I’m tired or tired because I’m down. At this point, it doesn’t seem to matter.
I have to get out of this funk I am in. I have started taking vitamins, which I hope will help. I’m still caught up in the eating/not eating thing. I am not in denial. I know not eating is just as bad as overeating. I just can’t get my body to agree with my logic. I did force down a piece of toast this morning, so it’s a start.
I have to do this. I can’t stand being this way anymore. I need to work through the pain, suck it up-be a big girl. I need to eat, no matter what. I need to make wise choices when I do eat. Good grief, I have a lot to do.
One step at a time.
I have to say, I thought I was reading my own blog.. My husband and I were just dealing with the whole “me working or not working”
I know exactly what you mean and feel about that. I just left my part-time job last week and right now I’m trying to find a good hobby or activity to keep me busy. But the guilt of not contributing is still there, for now anyway.
As far as your knee. I’m a nurse who hardly takes any medications, prefer not to unless absolutely nessary. However, in your case I would take that pain medication only when I wanted to walk or workout with minimal pain. Injuries can take a while to heal. But walking is good. Take whatever meds you can for your pain 30-45 mins prior to walking and it should help a little.
Then you can start getting out, clearing your head, and lifting your mood so you might face your day a little stronger.
Good luck.