Now for the fun stuff. I have been working with my husband for the last year. My daughter started a few months ago, and as time has gone on, we have realized only one of us is needed. As she is working until she starts cosmetology school in the fall, I decided I would take the time off until she starts. We don’t need my income, but I feel like a failure, not contributing to the household finances. I am no Mrs. Cleaver…I don’t know how to cook (great for my eating habits), I have a housekeeper that comes once a week and all I really have to do is make my bed every day and pick up my younger daughter from school. I AM BORED OUT OF MY MIND!!!! I was going to volunteer at her school, but they don’t have opportunities, as they have the student’s do much of what parents would typically do. They also don’t have PTA (what?).

Anyway, I would appreciate ideas from anyone who is a stay at homer, and doesn’t have small children to be responsible for. It’s hard going from 40 hours a week to nothing, almost over night.

(Off to remove that food item)

I am disgusted with myself.  I can’t believe I have let myself get to this point. It has to change or I will never be happy with myself. Yes, my family is important, but ultimately, even they can’t motivate me to be healthier.  Don’t get me wrong, I want encouragement, but I am the only one who can push myself. If I don’t, all the encouraging words in the world won’t help.

I am changing my life today. I am going to do the unthinkable and post a before picture later today. I have never had the courage to do that before and I still don’t, but I’m going to suck it up and do it anyway.

Not sure why this isn’t showing up. I guess if nothing else, it’s good for me.

Starting fresh today. I’m going to get back to tracking food, exercise, emotions…all of it. I have to change my life.

Wanted to add that a woman named Carol asked to add me as her buddy and that is what has motivated me to get my butt in gear, so thanks, Carol.

I worked for my husband for a few weeks and made some organizational changes, but the actual job was not for me. Though it is a completely different industry, I was processing and I don’t want to do that anymore. I’m trying to figure out what I want to do when I grow up. My husband keeps reminding me that we don’t need an income from me and tells me that I deserve a break. I am just not wired that way.

I’m also very frustrated with the lack of progress in my knee healing. It has been six months and I still have a bruise. I also cannot walk for more than 15 minutes without having pain. The pain has been especially bad the last week, and I am so frustrated I could scream. I took my daughter in for a doctor’s appointment and he offered to refill my pain medication, but I said no. I didn’t tell him I haven’t been taking them. I worry about my body, taking all that medication.

As I have been dealing with that, I have had many sleepless nights. I’m tired all the time, and don’t know if I’m down because I’m tired or tired because I’m down. At this point, it doesn’t seem to matter.

I have to get out of this funk I am in. I have started taking vitamins, which I hope will help. I’m still caught up in the eating/not eating thing. I am not in denial. I know not eating is just as bad as overeating. I just can’t get my body to agree with my logic. I did force down a piece of toast this morning, so it’s a start.

I have to do this. I can’t stand being this way anymore.  I need to work through the pain, suck it up-be a big girl. I need to eat, no matter what. I need to make wise choices when I do eat. Good grief, I have a lot to do.

I start tomorrow and while it will be nice in some aspects, I’m not looking forward to getting up at 6:00, again. I have enjoyed sleeping in until 8:00 everyday. Selfish, I know. They need help, and I am good for the job, having been a mortgage processor for quite a long time.

I’m a little concerned about the eating thing. My husband is excited that we will get to have lunch together. All I can think about is finding healthy restaurants. Of course, it means I will eat, which is a good thing. I’m still struggling with that. Hopefully, it will all go well.

The Man

I just need to eat a good breakfast and then finish up the shopping before lunch and I will be set. Wish me luck. Once this shopping business is over, I’ll move on from it, I promise.

ETA: Good grief…never left the house and now I have to go pick up my girls from school. I sat here for the whole morning, editing a slideshow I am doing for my best friend. It did turn out nearly perfect, but I can’t leave well enough alone. I edited it down to the picture changing on the exact words of the song….need to either get a life, or do this for a living. No shopping today. damn.it.

Anyway, my oldest daughter and I ventured out on Saturday ( I tend to drag her with me a lot). It was POURING down raing and at one point, I looked like I had just gotten out of the shower. We ended up having a really good time, but we were out so long, that we ended up eating out for lunch and dinner. Not good. I’m afraid to step on the scale.

I did get my christmas tree today. Normally, my husband pulls out the fake tree that we got the first year we were married. It’s become a family joke, because it is covered in duct tape, and no matter how much he reinforces it, it still leans. Anyway, being that he was on a business trip and didn’t get back until this evening, we went and bought a real tree. Of course, I couldn’t find the gorgeous tree stand that we bought the one other year I convinced him to get a real tree, so he came home to the tree sitting outside, leaned up against the house, sitting in a pot of water. He took it all in stride, though, and is actually pleased. PHEW!!!! No Charlie Brown Christmas tree for us this year!

I will dreadfully do my weigh in tomorrow and report the results. I really need to get it together.

Becoming self-aware sucks, sometimes. Hey, at least I know I will NEVER take a road trip like that again, therefor, no concerns about eating like that. Of course, that doesn’t really fix the underlying problem, does it? I have some work to do on myself.

Start again, I guess.

I just have to stay strong for the traveling days, as we have no choice but to eat out. Honestly, we generally pick really healthy restaurants, but that’s here. I don’t know what is out in the wild blue yonder. Think there is a good sushi restaurant in Nebraska? Anyway, wish me luck.

Once we get to our destination, I am not too worried, as my husband’s family eat healthy food. Anyway, I’ll check in when I can.

Hasta la vista

I did ok yesterday. I ate 976 calories. I know I need to get up to 1200, at least, but I’m getting closer. Also, I walked. I didn’t do exercise walking, but I did walk. My knee did not appreciate it, but I know I need to do it. I have a crap load of stuff to do to prepare for my trip, but I will try to get some focused walking in today.

Anyone know what the weather is like in Chicago? Am I screwed because I don’t own a winter coat?

so stupid.