CallMeStella

I don’t know what my problem is. I have a ton of stuff to do today and probably need some extra energy, but every time I go to get some food, I can’t bring myself to eat it. I have had three cups of coffee, instead.

I hate that about myself. I get overwhelmed and feel out of control, so I don’t eat. Talk about stupid. I don’t know how to get over it. My brain says eat, but something stops me. I know it’s a control issue. I recognize it, thanks to my best friend pointing it out. She says I have an eating disorder. I wouldn’t go that far, but I do use not eating as a way to get some control.

I need to find a way to get rid of that thought pattern. HELP!

I realize I already posted in here today, but I’ve been going through a lot of profiles and I’m very impressed with before/after shots. I haven’t taken a before picture. In fact, i don’t remember the last time I took a full body shot, even before I gained weight. I believe if I can get the courage to do it, it will be a motivator for me. I want to have a visual to start with.

ETA: Not only have I not taken a full body shot, but I got my hair chopped recently and haven’t gotten the courage to let anyone see it. Obviously people who know me personally have seen it, but I haven’t posted any pictures anywhere.  I haven’t had my hair this short since the 6th grade. It was due to a major life change….I know, bad idea. I am so sorry now, but it’s just hair, right? It is sure to grow back….

I’m over being overweight and unhealthy. I have gone through a lot over the last five months and have put on 20 pounds. I injured my knee, so was unable to work out. I am not totally healed, but I can’t take it anymore, so I’m going to start. Even if it’s just walking through my hood, I have to do something. I also went on a few meds, which both have weight gain as a side effect, but no excuse.

I don’t like to eat much, so I live mostly on liquids…coffee, hot tea and my nightly vodka and tonic. Not good. I have got to start being healthy. I’m over it.

ALL DONE!